I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
