i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
