If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
