dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
