im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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