There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
