How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
