I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
