I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
