i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
