we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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