We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
