You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
third nipple confirmed
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
