Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I am naked and annoyed.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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