Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
