just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
