I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
