come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
