Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My ass is underappreciated
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
