have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
