Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
