Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
