It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
