If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
