Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
