When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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