That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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