Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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