Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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