your parents love me but you hate me
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
