Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
