I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
