We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
