I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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