Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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