You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
BRING THE BAGELS
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
