Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
