I hate your face
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
