HIV tests are more positive than that guy
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
