you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
there is glitter all over my balls
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
