I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Girls should come with a carfax report
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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