I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
