Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
