Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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