Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
