I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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