He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
