Just cropdusted the office
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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