I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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