I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
