we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
