you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
